My Rollercoaster

Well what a whirlwind of a month this has been since my last post !! From (the now seemingly) mundane stuff like clearing my dues and walking out of college for good to the really mindnumbing feeling of the possibility of losing a close friend forever, its been a real rollercoaster ride. Atleast we still have our friend !

Such an incident, and its aftermath, makes you stop and think; think about what is important in life, think about what choices should be made, basically just think about life. Is it not too precious to throw away due to the whims and fancies of a perceived "loved one" or due to expectations and burdens that other people put on your shoulders ? Sometimes taking a drastic step makes no sense if the reason of that step is not affected by the outcome... actually it never makes sense, forget that "sometimes". Stuff like this makes you realize that its never prudent to get too carried away by ones emotions. Also to not get so close to any person that you get hurt.

Well you'd think that people would learn... but then again, I guess Darwin was correct and so we continue playing with fire and we keep getting burnt, again and again and again, every time thinking that this time it will be different ! We've all been there. But still such an incident, so close to home, makes you think twice... is it worth playing ? Once you get burnt, it does take time to heal, sometimes a lot of time, but then you need to think... how far away from that fire can you bear to be ? Such an incident makes you question yourself, your beliefs, and most importantly how much of yourself are you willing to expose... and to whom ? We all know that we would not take such extreme steps, but I also know that our friend was not one to take such a step either. So who are we to say what went through his mind, what thoughts were running through him, what emotions had he been fighting ?

So once again you find me pessimistic and utterly cynical about people, relationships, and just life in general. As you would say in poker, after this incident do I have the sack to ante up again for another round ? Or do I walk away from the table, busted ? I believe this time, its not solely upto me, but its upto my friends, people that care for me. It is they who can give me the assurance to ante up again, to buy in to the table for another round again, because this is one poker table that CANNOT be handled alone...

Be that as it may, the days keep going by and I inch closer to my joining date at EXL Services (formerly Inductis), Gurgaon... my first job! Again a whole new beginning, not unlike the first day at college, a new town, a new environment, new people. And you can't help but think, What will my job be like ? What will Gurgaon be like ? What the people I encounter will be like ? etc. etc.

There are a few people I know in Delhi, will I meet them ? Will they remain a part of my life or will they just phase themselves out ? Will a couple of particular friends remain a part of my life ? What about other friends, from school and college ? Will they remain or will they, too, get phased out ? Will I make the same mistakes that I made earlier ? Will I go through on my dream a couple of years from now ? What I can't deny is that the apprehension is far outweighed by the excitement.

The wheels are in motion now... and I have a feeling that this rollercoaster ride is just getting started....